Worthless
by Mushroom Soup
Summary: A Red vs Blue fanfiction. A monologue style insight into how Epsilon deals with the pain of remembering. If only Wash could know...  Keywords: RvB, Epsilon, Washington, Project Freelancer


Author's note:

This was inspired, by all things, the song "Worthless" from The Brave Little Toaster, and to a lesser extent, "B Movie" from the same film. For a movie that's supposedly for kids, it's dark and depressing and filled with nightmare fuel.

I wanted to try my hand at a portrayal of Epsilon that was less melodramatic and violent than most that I've seen. It is an entity that is burdened with memory; I imagine it to be more depressed than axe-crazy. Listen to the Director's monologue at the end of Reconstruction - he sounds tired.

This was written as a character sketch for a longer story that I have planned. Though Worthless does occur within the timeframe of the other story, it is not part of the main story, so it can function as a stand alone.

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**Worthless**

How did we get here again?

Ah yes. Cast adrift on the turbulent sea of bitter memory, unwanted by the rest; they said it was for the better good. Not that I objected. I certainly wouldn't want to live with me either. I feel too much, I remember... I remember...

What about you, Washington? I know you're sick of this. But what about you?

"I don't exactly have time to reminisce."

Ah, but I do. I have all the time in the world. I will be here long after you're gone, and I will be the one forced to watch, forced to know. I've been forced to know everything else anyway, and I'll have to live with all those memories. They're not all pleasant ones either. I can watch it happen over and over and over again.

So with that knowledge in mind, this slice of time is miniscule, an infinitesimal speck to me. Ironically, this may be the only time you have, dear Washington, before you meet your fate. So maybe, just sit back and soak in your senses, revel in the excitement...

"That excitement is from me getting fired at! Stop drowning in self pity and be useful!"

Oh. I see. You know about the one behind that rock over there, and you seem to have that under control. There's someone behind you at 5 o'clock, so watch out, I guess.

Be useful? That seems to be something you're used to hearing. Interesting that you chose those words, seeing how you struggled to hear them no longer. Like some sort of ironic echo. I guess you and I aren't so different after all.

"Epsilon! Command: offline!"

Tired of listening to me, Washington? This isn't news to me. I may be quiet for now, but that doesn't stop the memories from haunting me. And your memories too... they don't seem much happier. You've watched it all fall apart. You saw what happened to Carolina. She doesn't even respond to her name anymore. You watched your closest friend, Maine, go from an aloof bad-boy to a twitchy mass of conspiracy theories. It won't be long till he starts wearing tin foil. You know what the scariest part is? I can tell you that at least some of what he says is right.

And Texas. She went from an angry bitch to... well, more angry. And now, thanks to me, you know why she orchestrated the whole break-in incident. You know who she is. You know who Allison is.

Allison. She was beautiful: long red hair, skin so pale and soft, lips so luscious and tender...

She was bold and fierce, nothing could touch her, nothing could break her. But then she was broken, dead, lying on the cold pavement...

I suppose it was inevitable. All death is inevitable. Humans, caught up in the futility of the struggle to survive... perhaps there is some lesson in that. Then again, after watching everyone dear to me die over and over, I fail to see the point, especially since there was nothing I could do to save them. Nothing. My efforts meant nothing. I have witnessed too much...

Oh, was I projecting the troubles of others onto myself again? I meant _he_ has witnessed too much. I merely have the misfortune of remembering what he has witnessed. I'm just a side effect of the whole thing. None of these are _my_ memories, I'm just a caretaker in a sense. And yet, the burden is all too real. I don't want to be alone with these shadows.

Would you like to know what they did Washington? Washington? Oh right, you put me offline; I can't reach you. You use that command the way one would mute an ad to go off and do something more interesting before the show starts again. Is that all I am? A mere annoyance? Do I mean nothing to you? Do these memories mean nothing? Can you live with the knowledge of what they...

Ah, I forgot. You never want to know. I try to show you the truth, but you never want to see it. I don't blame you; it's painful to watch. Then again, most of the time you put me offline; the only time I'm not is when you need me to run some program.

If only... if only you could know. You're still in the dark. You too, you mean nothing to them, just another chess piece in some grand scheme. All of us are. Like me. My existence was termed as... 'progress'. And you, you only have a glimpse of what they did to achieve that progress. You don't know what they have planned. Washington... you must know... before you go... Washington... David? David? Let me in?

Well, if you won't let me in, I'll just have to blow down your house. I don't want to be the bad guy here, but I'm tired of being ignored. Being a mass of memories has a few benefits... like knowing how to get past the programmed safety barriers. Now where does it start again...?

-end-

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End note: You may have also seen this on either deviantART or published under alphabetsoup314 or Alphabet Soup, respectively. Yes, those are both also me ('Keeper of Insanity' tends not to fit in signup forms, too many letters). Consider this a test of which site works the best for me.


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